Buttons

I have a button collection. It isn't very big. In fact, all my buttons fit in one mason jar.

Lately, I've been thinking about learning to use a sewing machine so I can make bizarre stuffed creatures (maybe even a bearnicorn).

Anyway, I started thinking about eyes for my creatures and this led me to my button collection.

Today, I sorted my buttons into categories.

There are plain old normal buttons (the kind you probably think of when I say "button") that are round with two or four holes. Most of my buttons are happy, normal, well-adjusted buttons.

I would say that roughly three quarters of my buttons are normal. Most of the other fourth of them consists of those buttons with the loop-like holes on the back that you can't see. I call these "ninja buttons" because at first glance, you're like, "What is that circle thing on that person's shirt?" but then a moment later you say, "Oh, it's a button! What? Who would've thought it, a button on a shirt!"

Of course, ninjas don't wear ninja buttons. That would be weird.

Even though they can be sneaky and confusing, ninja buttons are still pretty normal. Therefore, almost all my buttons are normal buttons.

But as I sorted through my buttons, I found a few weirdos.

These buttons have only one hole. The one on the right may have been broken at some point, but the one on the left definitely has no idea how to properly be a button.

I mean, in the attachment process, after the thread goes through the single hole, where does it go?

And then, I found buttons with neither holes nor ninja loops on the backs. Basically, they are little plastic circles.

What? Are they even buttons?

 

Impostors! Entirely non-functional buttons! I suppose you could glue them, but they'd just fall off after being washed, so what's the point?

WHY WERE THEY IN MY BUTTON JAR? HOW ARE THEY BUTTONS? WHAT DEFINES A BUTTON? WHAT DEFINES LIFE?